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Saturday, January 27, 2007

Bedbugs on the streetcar?

Long time, no blog. No big excuse except I've been very busy. That's it.
I have reached my threshold regarding the nastiness I experience every f----ng day riding the streetcar. I was sitting behind a man on the streetcar a few days ago when suddenly I witnessed the most disgusting thing I've ever seen: a little insect ran across this guy's shoulders on his jacket. I could not believe my eyes. Being a vet, it looked very much like an unengorged tick, however it would be highly unlikely in this weather. Friends and colleagues suggested it might be bedbugs. Imagine that: taking the darn streetcar from work and bringing home bedbugs. The thought makes me shiver. I gave up my Mini Cooper for this s--t?

Two bedbugs: aren't they just darling?

It is time the Toronto Transit Corporation (TTC) started putting warning labels on its streetcars. Cigarette packs rightfully show photos of what smoking will do to your mouth. Aerosol cans properly note that the can will explode if heated. Now it's time for the streetcars to have large, legible, warning labels affixed to the streetcar next to the doors so that all may read (those who take the TTC and CAN read...). I've therefore taken the liberty to make a sample label, which I encourage the TTC to freely use:

Warning: Riding this streetcar poses significant health and quality-of-life risks. These risks include, but are not limited to, loud and indiscrete outbursts from intoxicated waifs, pulmonary disease including, but again not limited to, consumption (tuberculosis), bronchitis, influenza, SARS, pertussis, and possibly anthrax, bedbugs, tick-borne diseases, noxious odours, and severe alterations in standardly acceptable aesthetics. The TTC is not responsible for injury, illness, death, and/or retinal detachment from visual disturbances.

Toronto streetcar collapsing from noxious odour of unknown rider(s): note woman running for her life.